No one is sure of anything. In fact, the proof that we are humans is that there is always a large degree of error in our certainty. However, what makes us humane is the ability to put in proactive measures – measures that could preclude our errors/mistakes.
There are two (2) solid ways rejections are mostly felt:
(A) Emotions / Affections
“Everyone needs someone” – this goes without saying. We are social creatures, and we do have cravings. Emotional cravings could be so deep, so sincere, but the fear of REJECTION hampers the need to express such cravings.
Indeed, in many parts of the world, it is unheard of for instance, for a woman to propose to a man. Yes, it does happen, but when last have you witnessed such. Well, anyone (especially ladies) can relate to the above as a de facto principle – “I should be proposed to”. But the real idea stems from REJECTION. No one can stand it, especially when you have an highly sensitive emotion (it doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman). Some men actually have higher emotions than many ladies.
For ladies, there is this myth that I must not appear desperate in other not to look cheap. In other words, some ladies say, “I have the peculiar right to dole out ‘rejections’ as the need arises’. While this reason may have a founded basis, there is a rather big margin that it backfires.
Many men have taken up the part time hobby of fantasies and drooling. There seems to be a code of ‘reclusion’ and “let me make money, the ladies will come when I have tons of money”. From observation, men who say this have had so much rejections that finally changed their tone into something slightly better than a hush.
(B) Career / Professional
Career-wise rejections has mystified behavioural experts for a while. The summary is, rejection is not a respecter of potentials.
Very brilliant scholars have been rejected, and of course not-too-bright people have also faced the same fate. Career-wise rejection is like death – everyone must face it.
It is really not difficult in rejecting someone with a bright future. Why? The future is not visible at the time. A future that is potentially beautiful may receive a smug compliment at best when physically assessed.
It takes an ‘extra‘ to go from potential to true achievement void of rejection.
Just like Mark Amend will say, “rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer”.
The 5 ways of dealing with Rejection
#1 Look Inwards
Many a time, the temptation is always so strong to look for someone to blame after facing a rejection. A trivial example could be someone having a bad grade at school. That is some form of rejection. In other words, your exam script was rejected. One could sit back and blame the lecturer, blame the weather, whatever – except oneself.
Another trivial example could be saying, “oh I was rejected because the girl is too proud”, or “he is so full of himself”. You may be wrong. The need for introspection calls for self-assessment. What am I doing wrong? What am I saying wrong? The fault isn’t always from the outside, the inside may just have some stench!
#2 Engage in pleasant distractions
Give yourself a break. There are various ways of distracting yourself that may be but not limited to, watching a movie, going out for a stroll, hanging out with friends and acquaintances. Indeed, focusing on less tasking matters – indulging yourself slightly. This could go a long way.
Some forms of distractions that are not healthy are, but not limited to, drinking to stupor, displaying traits of transferred aggression, arson, etc. You may go too far. Distract yourself PLEASANTLY.
#3 Have goals not expectations
In this article, I outlined why expectations are unnecessary, it is a good read. Part of what I outlined in that article was that expectations create unneeded assumptions. Assumptions that may be costly.
Look at it this way: The singular GOAL / reason why we need EDUCATION is to become successful. However, on the journey towards that GOAL, a lot of expectations are formed. Expectations that may include: “I want to have this certain grade”, or “I want to keep a certain kind of company”. Those expectations MAY or MAY NOT be achieved, but that shouldn’t take our eyes away from the GOAL. You may have low grades in school, that may demean your parent’s EXPECTATIONS about you, but that should not take your eyes off the GOAL.
Having goals also mean that there is a place for STRATEGY. What game plan are you bringing to fore? You just can’t meet a lady and the first thing you start discussing his marriage! Whao! You may have good intentions, but the wrong strategy. How so many people miss out for a lack of strategy.
Every GOAL must have a STRATEGY. Every EXPECTATION should be sub par to your GOAL.
#4 Create an atmosphere for more opportunities
“Success happens when preparation meets opportunity”. The atmosphere in this case is your ‘preparation’. How do I improve on myself? Many folks have the ‘know-how‘ but not the ‘say-how‘. Social or inter-personal skills is classified under the nine (9) types of Intelligence. The ability to communicate your intentions is borne out of a conscious effort to improve your social intelligence.
There are many approaches involved in creating the right atmosphere, but the one I will recommend is getting involved with people of like minds. Career-wise, that is called NETWORKING, Relationship-wise, that is called SOCIALISING. It is very important to know the difference.
Working with a strategy in a conducive atmosphere makes your GOALS achievable, and reduces the likelihood of rejection.
#5 Be yourself
The aim of all the points listed above is not to make you someone else. But a better you. Being that better you is what some folks call REFINEMENT. The process of converting crude oil to petrol is called refinement – in a layman’s term. The petrol retains some properties of the crude oil but in a refined form.
Develop your social skills, your professional skills, but don’t ever lose what make you YOU.
Keep Glowing. Share Forward.