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#WivesNotCooks and The Burden of Proof

Scuffling couple needing Proof

a man washing some clothes *unodiscuss

The greatest burden to bare – on this side of mundanity, is the burden of proof; Believe me.

At the behest of a friend of mine, I found myself at the front of the pew of a local church. Over the years, I have come to prefer the relative sincerity and zeal of smaller church units to the pomp and poise of larger congregations.

My mind was in limbo as the ‘normal’ routine of praise and worship was done. But particularly, I was eager to hear the sermon for the singular reason that I didn’t want to “perish for lack of knowledge”.

Observing with absolute keenness, I noticed that the mannerisms of a lady at the ministers’ seats was eye-catching – as she shuffled between her Ipad and a couple of paper sheets. She was the Minister for the day.

My mind wandered towards why Paul said women should keep quiet in churches – until I got a jolt!

“Look here women!”, she bellowed down the microphone, “it is only natural if you feel disrespect towards your husband when your husband is doing little or nothing to provide for the family; That is why you men should go out and work hard for your family”.

Squirming in my chair, I couldn’t believe my ears. There was no mention of how a lady should behave discreetly in such situations. This was warfare. The #CooksNotWives squad leading the yelping feminine crowd.

“The Children of this generation” seek for a sign, so said The Christ. We need evidences, proofs, that give credence to our many laudable claims.

One of the most important proofs of all times is the proof of love. Gifts, textings, calling, and others, are some of the metrics persons use to gauge the volume of love you have for them.

Of course, it should be noted that proof gives more basis to belief, but what happens when the other side of the coin is turned? Where is the caveat for the absence of proof?

For the sake of clarity I will focus on the latter. Which is that, there must be a caveat where the avoidance of doubt is expected, to showcase authenticity.

I will explain.

When the 3 Hebrew Children were brought before Nebuchadnezzar to recant on their stand with Yahweh, they said, (paraphrased), “The God whom we serve will deliver us, AND EVEN IF HE DOESN’T….we won’t still bow to this image”.

Truth without a caveat is like a limping man. A minor thrust will send him scampering in the dust.

Why can’t we go beyond proofs?

1) If you claim to be brilliant, why do you have a CGPA of 1.8? Proof of intelligence.

2) If you are that beautiful, why didn’t you win the pageant?

3) If you claim to be a writer, why don’t you have a published book?

4) If you are so wise, why are you not rich?

Proofs galore!

Sorry to say but there are marriages where couples quarrel as a pasttime but if you taste the woman’s food, you may likely forget your name. Sweet!

Imagine after a quarrel, when your relatives come to settle a fight, and your quick-mouthed wife prepares a sumptuous meal for them. End result? Everyone forgets the basis for the meeting, and you may be swiftly rebuked for spoiling the jolly mood by bringing up details of the quarrel.

READ: Domestic Violence: The Horrors and The Helps

The point is:

If you rely on proofs, you will definitely fall and falter from lack of evidence.

If you BELIEVE your wife must cook, you will definitely go deranged from lack of her culinary skills. Age doesn’t teach this. Wisdom does.

A man who will cheat will cheat. If you like be Kim Kardashian, someone somewhere is better than you. Let your curves and curviness tear the boundaries of “Figure 8”, someone somewhere will still beat you.

A man who will cheat will cheat. If you like be the best cook, and know the hidden pathways to his belly, don’t look too far, just down the road, the aroma from that Corps member’s kitchen will deoxidise your food in his stomach.

READ: Why Expectations are Not Necessary in Relationships

Duties are defined, roles are not. We all have one duty but may take up different roles. That is why one should understand that, understanding your duty is more important than focusing on roles.

The duty of a mother basically is to nurse. What if she falls sick? What if she’s pregnant? Some men still allow their wives break firewood even in pregnancy. What kind of cultural madness is that?

The idea is both ways.

Firstly, women should not mask their frustration from daily happenings and hide under the cover of Feminism. Understand your duty to your husband. Shouting out your frustration will only make your wife coarse.

Secondly, men should leave that dystopia of chest-beating and ” leg of the home” theories, and whilst focusing on their duties, take up roles that will ensure a smooth running family life.

If you must remain married because of food, you might as well marry your wife’s food.

This is the time to move beyond proofs to understanding and acceptance.

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About the author

Johnmark Obiefuna

A Computer Scientist by profession and a writer by hobby. A liberal, ardent reader and observer of philosophical and religious views. I play the keyboard proficiently, give public talks and I'm also involved in a chess club.

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